


Powerless

by wordstothewisereaders



Series: Destiel Works [8]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: 12x09, Destiel - Freeform, First ever Destiel fic, M/M, SPN - Freeform, contains spoilers, not very fluffy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-28
Updated: 2017-01-28
Packaged: 2018-09-20 13:11:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,144
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9492797
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wordstothewisereaders/pseuds/wordstothewisereaders
Summary: Castiel had never truly known what it had felt like to be screwed. He should have seen this situation coming. Now more than ever he needs reassurance that he does matter. CONTAINS SEASON 12 SPOILERS!!!!





	

DeanCas

Powerless

Warnings:possible triggers, I suppose it could be angsty, lots of feelsy things, depressed!Cas

Words:1,130  
A/N: This takes place after season 12 episode 9. !!!!THERE ARE MAJOR SPOILERS FOR SEASON 12!!!!!! This is my first Destiel work so take it easy on me. I'm going to say that Cas is capable of having depression/anxiety/feelings like a normal human in this for the sake of the storyline. This is a different take from most of the codas I've seen so I hope it goes well.

***

Cas fled to his room as soon as he stepped foot inside the bunker. It had been an emotional day, too emotional if you asked him, and all he really wanted was some time to think. His tie felt like it was suffocating him, so he took it, along with his regular attire, off as soon as he reached his bed. He changed into something looser, a pair of Dean's grey sweatpants and a navy t-shirt. Six weeks before, it would have been odd for the angel to wear anything else, but things were different now. A few weeks after the brothers had been arrested, Cas had broken into Dean's room and taken some of his clothes. He missed the older Winchester terribly and found a small amount of solace in the items that reminded him of the hunter.

Pulling back the top blanket on his bed, Cas climbed under it and pulled it up to his chin. His back and head rested against the headboard as he mulled over the past twelve hours. He had come so close to losing what he had worked so hard to save. Cas believed that he had been too careless this time, and that almost cost him his world. He closed his eyes, letting these thoughts wash over him in waves of different emotions. A sort of panic rushed through him, though not the kind that sends one into a frenzy of breaking down. It was more like he was watching everything he loved break before him knowing that the only thing he wwas capable of was watching. 

Cas could still feel the heavy weight of abandonment on his heart that he had felt when Dean had almost died. He had almost lost the best thing he had ever had just because he wasn't there quick enough. If he would have just been faster, or smarter, or anything else then they would not be in this terrible predicament. Anger soon set in. Cas was beyond mad at himself for all of the factors that got in the way that there was no way he could have changed. The overwhelming speed of his doubts and blame built a terrible pressure until he finally broke, letting out one quiet, strangled sob. He curled his knees up to his chest and let his forehead hit his knees, burying himself in the darkness.

***

Dean felt horrible as soon as he let himself think. Castiel's words replayed themselves over and over in his head until he couldn't go much longer without seeing the angel. He was hesitant, but after guilting himself into it he found that he was in front of Cas' door. He knocked quietly, still slightly hoping he could avoid the inevitable conversation that could possibly result in a sharing of feelings. 

He didn't answer the door, so Dean decided to slip in anyway. He found Cas with his arms hugging his knees and his head buried in his arms. Dean was alarmed.

"Cas, buddy, you okay?" he asked carefully, taking gradual steps towards the bed.

Cas' head snapped up. Tear stains ran down his face in streaks and his eyes were unusually bloodshot. He looked older somehow now. 

"No." he answered sparsely, voice rough.

Dean didn't say another word, instead he cautiously made his way to the side of the bed opposite of Cas. He stopped, lifting up the covers and looking to the other man as if asking for permission. Cas nodded wearily, watching. Dean crawled into the bed.

"What's wrong?" he asked quietly.

"It-this. This is all my fault. You wouldn't be in this situation if I would have looked for you harder and I'm sorry." Cas said, his voice cracking with his apology. He hid his head again, ashamed.

Dean gently wrapped an arm around his shoulders, rubbing a hand up and down Cas' arm. "It's okay. It's not your fault. All of us are alive." he whispered, slightly terrified by how bad the angel had been affected. 

"It's not. It's not okay because I almost let you die. Again. I almost failed this entire world again, but more importantly I almost failed you." Cas said in a shaky voice.

Dean felt his heart breaking for the one man he had come to love more than anyone. He took Cas' chin in his hand and slowly turned it toward him.

"Now you listen to me. We have all had our ups and downs, but I would not trade any of them for the world. Don't you dare talk about yourself like you're some useless deadbeat that ruins everything he touches. You are so much more than that." Dean said, his voice gravely low.

"You don't mean it." Cas said, used to human lying that was purely to make one feel better.

"Dammit, Cas, I do mean it. I mean it more than anything I've ever told you. What do I have to do to prove that to you?" he said, now holding Cas' face with both of his hands. 

Cas shook his head, still not believing, and let a single tear slip down his cheek. It sent Dean over the edge. He wasn't doing well with his words, so he decided that now was the time to act no matter the consequences. He pulled Cas' face towards his, crashing their lips together into something that both of them had longed for for quite some time. They moved in sync, shocked at first but warming up to the tender feeling. Dean was gentle, pouring all of his love into this one gesture. If this couldn't convince Cas that he was worth everything then nothing could.

The kiss was slow and sweet and not what either of them had imagined. Dean pulled away, looking into the piercing blue eyes that were staring back. 

"You gotta believe me, Cas." he whispered.

Cas didn't say a word. Instead, he pulled Dean closer and buried his face in the crook of his neck. His arms wrapped around Dean's middle. Dean pulled the angel, his angel, as close as possible and held him tight. His hand smoothed down Cas' hair as he whispered just what made him so important.

Cas cried into Dean's neck. He didn't feel any better, but at least his human, his world, cared.

"I believe you."


End file.
